have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
