so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
