Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
