She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
