if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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