No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
