I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
