I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
