Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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