trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
