are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
