I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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