I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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