I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
