hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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