Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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