I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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