I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
