I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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