He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
