i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
