i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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