Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How external is "for external use only"?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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