After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
