Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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