1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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