I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
