My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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