you guys were way drunker than both of me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
