so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
