Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
