Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
