god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
