I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
