Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He better not be in your backpack
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
