doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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