hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
