His pubic hair was longer than his dick
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
