my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
