remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
