sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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