Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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