i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
