I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
