Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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