I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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