id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
