why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
