I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
