You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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