At least make sure they are 18
Why
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
