It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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